Did the Police hear that one a million times? I don’t know. I’ve never used it.. just try acting really really sorry and respectful (which is genuine.. not sorry for doing whatever minor thing of course but just really sorry for myself that I would have to pay a ticket). But who knows, maybe Coco was just joking and that got put into the report. When read it sounds serious but maybe he was smiling while he was saying it. .. Let’s give him a break on this one.

And Crisp also mentioned something about a root canal according to TMZ.. One thing’s for sure if you get mentioned in TMZ and you’re a ball player, it’s usually not a very good thing. And if you have a root canal, get busted for a DUI charge AND get mentioned by TMZ then that’s really not a good thing.

So Bonds who supposedly used the juice, and used it successfully I might add, to become this super hitter. .. Who would really be loving the stuff to this day I would guess if he didn’t get charged with using it. .. Should be the guy telling our young ball players “just say no, do as I say not as I did” type of thing? And really, the question of course isn’t “hey it’s wrong”… these ballplayers are fighting for their professional lives out there. It’s like being in this third world country called a regular job and then an America kind of place called Professional Baseball Player that they might be able to get to… and escape the depressing squalor of working with only two weeks (actually only 10 days) of freedom to live you life as you want. .. Yeah, a talk from Barry Bonds is going to change that.

And the other idea that Barry Bonds “..could begin by writing a big check to the sport’s testing program and then helping to raise a serious war chest to combat drug cheats long term.”  .. What the.. when ever I hear the term “war chest” I just see this ton of cash that 90% of will be blown in administrative costs (aka a buddy or relatives phony job or business service) or in feel good things .. like billboard ads (purchased from your brother in law’s company by the way… so your sister can afford her new kitchen).. Come on. You want to keep me from driving loaded then pull me over, test me for alcohol and then put me through hell. If I haven’t been caught yet I’ll just look around at all the other guys being put thought the ringer and be scared ___-less of following in their footsteps.. And two side lessons if you’re a ballplayer.. don’t do a Austin Kerns, Coco Crisp DWI thing (and you can be damn sure no other ballplayer will be doing that now.. at least until some time lapses and they forget about Kerns & Crisp). And second, don’t get married… those divorce settlements can be a real bitch.

So Barry Bond’s money or “Don’t do what I did” advice.. get out of here … Testing and putting the hammer down (aka the young ballplayer faces shame, fines and the horrible prospect of a regular job).. now that will get the damn job done once and for all. .. And that’s my totally uninformed, unqualified and unintelligible opinion. So the Mercury News Editorial guy and I are even. .. That’s all.

Related Posts:

• Cleveland’s Austin Kearns Arrested For DWI
• Coco Crisp Makes It Three In The MLB DWI Thing

So you have this idyllic lifestyle and you either A. Get Lucky and get arrested or B. Kill or injure someone while drunk.. (and of course C. You get away with it which of course are many that we’ll never, ever hear about)..Then, career over, the wife hits the road with half your dough and the lawyers from the lawsuits eat up almost the rest and you end up with no career, no money and you’re pretty much disrespected doing whatever..  (getting numerous of those catchy “Hall of Shame” type mentions in the papers. .. Ye-ah, good plan.

Hey don’t get me wrong, I’ve made tons of bad life choices (like writing this lousy blog before work instead of goofing off & socializing, seriously) but the DWI thing. A no brainer, give someone a few bucks to drive you home. … But you’ve got to love this guys name. Just did a Wikipedia on it and found out his brother and sister use to tease him with this because they said he looked like the the cartoon character on Cocoa Krispies Cereal. You can do a comparison for yourself. Here’s Coco and here’s the Cocoa Krispies Cartoon Guys. You know I really want to see it but I don’t. Bummer..

Related Post:

• Cleveland’s Austin Kearns Arrested For DWI
• Edwin Jackson Gets A No Hitter But Since We’ve Already Had Three This Season It’s Not As Big A Deal As It Should Be
• The Minnesota Twins Are Loving Outdoor Baseball Again, For Now…

So Kearns (as reported) says to the officer something that he was a professional ballplayer and if he could be cut a break.. (???) Maybe.. ”I’m a Mom with a husband serving in Afghanistan”, “Just found out I have terminal cancer” whatever.. Not .. I’m a young millionaire adored by the multitude, play baseball for a living, will retire at the point when most of us don’t even know our careers are dead and we still have another 30 years to go.. aka “I’m a professional baseball player”.

I don’t know all this really makes me tired. Tired. The rest of the article states that Kearns was unsteady on his feet and signed a one year deal worth $1.3 million (about what I’ll make over 30 years).  Well there you go…

Also, it’s reported that he did the stupid knucklehead move of  keeping this secret from the Indians on the advice from attorneys… “That’s my story and I’m Sticking to it…”

And this article makes it sound like he’s taken a janitor’s job or something (I really wished I had a school district janitor’s job ..the benes, no pressure, incredible pay considering the work).. You know, I’m sure he wasn’t paid for the Little League gig but just trying to have a little fun and help out some kids. A choice and a nice thing to do not how crummy things got for a once mighty pitcher. So this guy’s out of the game. And he must be thinking what the ____. You have guys with this and that Tommy John build an arm thing and here I have a lousy muscle tear… My guess is that there was more than that involved but what the heck do I know I never pitched a ball over 50 mph never mind 100.

What would be really tragic was if this guy got divorced, lost all his money and had to work a regular job like the rest of us. .. But anyway he believed and kept himself in shape. Kept trying. Scouts see him and the Phillies gave him a contract. No job, no locker and competing with the younger bucks for a place on the squad. I really hope he makes it. It’s like the cubicle crowd is cheering him on .. “It’s all over for us, you go you can make it” sort of thing. After a near brush with a regular job this guy has a chance to break free. That would be a nice thing to see.

So Jenks starts it by squawking about his former manager. .. Ozzie hears this and slams back with a “We don’t miss him. Ask 30 guys out there. By the way, I was asking for his number to talk to him about it, and nobody has his number.’’ Ha, pretty immature for sure but you have to admit a pretty good slam. .. Then as Jenks must have been crafting his response to top this (and there’s probably a 98% certainty that he was.. team of comedy writers called in etc) his new manager Terry Francona of the Boston Red Sox puts the kibosh on any future sparring. … So Jenks gets shut down with Ozzie getting in the last word. .. And then to top this off, the real reason you don’t spar in the media. When you get the short end of the stick everyone gets to hear about it. See the Globe article blabbing about it.

So hey, you live, you learn. Best to look towards others let them go first and see how it goes before doing something on your own. For every Christopher Columbus there are a billion guys who did (fill in the blank) first and were sorry they did.

Yes I know this is Wrigley Field

 David Wilder formally of the Chi White Sox was formally charged with taking kickbacks from young prospects. If you don’t know the story then here’s the deal:

David was the Senior Director of Player Personnel for the White Sox who apparently according to the Chicago Tribune

“The indictment alleged that Wilder and two former Sox scouts, Jorge Oquendo Rivera and Victor Mateo, fraudulently inflated the signing bonuses of Latin American prospects and then had the players kick back the extra money to them over the more than three-year scheme. In all, they pocketed about $400,000 intended for 23 prospects, authorities said.”

So let me get this straight. We’ll take a rake of the signing bonuses from desperate young players who will do anything to make it to the big leagues. .. OK… Now unless you’ve recruited complete bums some of them you’d think would actually make it, join the union…sort of have some security, money and someone watching their backs. …. OK … Now given human nature they are going to forget about being strong armed when they were desperate. Sure, people especially pro baseball players are all about the love and forgiveness, like the Dali Lama or something. ….well OK then. this was an infallible plan and who knows how the hell it could have fallen apart.

Again being a little like the Dali Lama myself let’s reiterate that these are only charges so far, nothing proven. And according to David Wilder 

“I don’t have a job. I don’t have a life right now,” he said in the brief telephone interview. “I’m a human being, and I have gone through a lot. I would appreciate it if you could give me some humanity. I have lost everything.”

I think he lifted this quote from me. Just substitute “I don’t have a job…” with “I have a job..” and “I have lost everything.” with “I have lost my soul which is sucked out of me every day between 8 and 5.”

Was his alleged scheme stupid? Well, who am I to judge given the jump into the volcano relationship choices I have made in my life. He should be grateful. He only lost his job. ..big whop

One reason for not wanting this “honor” is that everyone would know that I really had no business being there (sort of like the mayor’s kid who makes Little League just because he’s the mayor’s kid). And there would be someone like USA Today (article here) calling out all the players who really should not have made the All-Star Team. Now how darn embarrassing is that? For sake of human decency I won’t get into these players and name names like USA Today does (I would love to see the players be able to report who on the USA Today Staff shouldn’t be there). But I did include all the teams that USA Today Points out in the categories for this post. … and I hate to say it but USA Today does have a point (there, now everyone is PO’d at me).

The seond and the major reason would be that I would just want to go home, chill and have some fun by making the All-Star Break really a break (it’s a break for everyone but the All-Stars). You can imagine all those players with the smiling face who are dying to be anywhere but at the All-Star Game. It’s bad enough to watch it never-mind playing it knowing that everyone else was just goofing off and having fun.

Related All-Star Posts:

• Strasburg Chatter Is Like A Barking Neighbor’s Dog After Awhile. How The Heck Does Strasburg Himself Stand It?
• Speculation Of A Heyward vs Strasburg Thing…. Yeah. OK
• Baseball Finally Updates The All-Star Game

Anyway some Posts mentioning Steinbrenner and a Steinbrenner playing Steinbrenner on Seinfeld follow:

• Major League Baseball Takes Steps To Be More Environmentally Conscience (Serious). Here’s My Suggestions
• Here comes that talk about how games should be shortened… I don’t think so